Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worse, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.
The messed up thing about being a African (Nigerian) young-adult is that our parents raise us with that mindset of “oh look at what she’s doing.” “This person is doing so much better than you.”. So that when we do succeed it doesn’t feel like it measures up to much and when we fail, we feel it that much more. Things that shouldn’t even be a competition ends up being a subconscious measuring game.
I finally got to a point where I knew I was doing great for myself. Not for my family and thats when I figured out what really mattered to my own success. Then the expectations just dwindled and disappeared. And i swear it feels like a weight is off my shoulder.
The bolded though…I thought I was the only one.
I am always competing with myself to do better. And when I don’t get the results I want/expect due to my own actions I will literally mope in my room for days.